I am still so very sad today. Everyday this last week has been long and hard to endure. I miss Loughlin so much, I can't hardly get past the tears and try to live. Every sunny day, every baseball thrown, every fishing trip planned, every time I pick-up the kids from school, every time I see Loughlin's friends walking home, every trip past the skate park, every cheeseburger ordered, I miss my son. Cy turns 14 on Saturday. How will I make it through another birthday without Lough there?
It has been 365 days since another of my angel mom has held her dear sweet Lucy in her arms. She asked today on her blog what is the hardest thing you have ever had to do? I would like to answer that question here. I have had many hard things in my life but I know that leaving Loughlin in that car by himself and leaving in the ambulance was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I can still see him lying there in my mind, over and over again, wishing I could do something to change what I had done, missing him as soon as we drove away, wanting to hold him longer but they would not let me. Why wouldn't they let me? I wish I could have stayed there a little while and just held him. I needed that. After Rhiannon died the hospital let me hold her as long as I wanted, until I felt some peace but I never felt that peace with Lough.
It has been 365 days since another of my angel mom has held her dear sweet Lucy in her arms. She asked today on her blog what is the hardest thing you have ever had to do? I would like to answer that question here. I have had many hard things in my life but I know that leaving Loughlin in that car by himself and leaving in the ambulance was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I can still see him lying there in my mind, over and over again, wishing I could do something to change what I had done, missing him as soon as we drove away, wanting to hold him longer but they would not let me. Why wouldn't they let me? I wish I could have stayed there a little while and just held him. I needed that. After Rhiannon died the hospital let me hold her as long as I wanted, until I felt some peace but I never felt that peace with Lough.
1 comment:
I saw her question. I thought my hardest moment was tucking the blanket around my baby for the last time as they prepared to close the casket. It brought tears again just thinking about it yesterday.
I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I wish I could hug you. It has amazed me the level of caring that the common thread of losing a child can bring. My heart breaks for you.
Take care of yourself.
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