Why not me?

I just have a simple question. Why not me? Harlen is so loved by so many. He does such an awesome job at being positive. He is a supreme provider for our family. The kids love him. Did I mention that everyone who knows him loves him. Mark Twain said " No one is a failure that has friends"

I am the opposite, and I am sure that people are whispering the question across the sphere. Why not her? She has made so many awful choices and mistakes in life. You're right it should be me. It should have always been me.11 years ago it should have been me. Hell 31 years ago it should have been me.Why can't it be me?

28th Anniversary

Tonight I am tired and sad. The end

Christmas Poem 2019

Lea is a sophomore, played both softball varsity 1st base and volleyball varsity setter.

She earned a 4.0 and was Homecoming Princess could there be anything better?

Well she likes shopping way too much and hanging with her friends.

At 15, she doesn’t actually break the rules, but she finds ways that they can bend.

Giles, 17, is a senior and a confident one at that.

He throws a curve ball that no one can hit with a bat.

He spends most his time working on his car and hanging out with Brenda.

Doing the least amount he can in school is certainly his agenda.

Maya is in her second year in college is quite impressive.

Getting A’s is a goal. I’d say it’s compulsive and oppressive.

Ask Juve, she by far has the biggest heart of all, working hard on her fundraising.

Getting everyone to help is incredible and certainly worth praising.

True bore down and earned his Associates degree in college,

Bringing back to the farm his hard work and his new knowledge.

Katlyn and he sure stepped up and labored during harvest season.

But guns and hunting is his love. He works for just that reason.

The biggest news of the year is Cyrus and McKayla are expecting in January.

This is making everyone in this family so happy and you could say even merry.

Cyrus will receive his Masters in teaching in late June.

Their life is going to get busy and eventful very soon

As for Harlen and I we are amazed at our fellow mankind.

Our family and our friends are the best that one could find.

So many acts of kindness have been made on our account.

We could work for 2 lifetimes and never repay the amount.

We hope this letter finds you grateful and content.

And the blessings that you have asked for have already been sent.

We celebrate this Christmas, our Savior and his birth.

And pray for peace and happiness in heaven and on Earth.

It will be a St. Luke's Christmas, Anniversary, New Year's, Birthday

It's Christmas Eve and we are in St. Luke's hospital, well Harlen and me. Wednesday we went for his appointment at MSTI and his white cells were through the sky. They admitted us to the hospital and we just thought it would be for a couple of days, but after tests it was revealed Harlen's CMML had turned into AML ( Acute Myeloid Leukemia. This is a fast acting, aggressive cancer. We were informed we would spend the next 5 weeks in the hospital to try chemotherapy to put the cancer into remission. Then and only then would we be able to move to the Huntsman Center for a Stem Cell Transplant. Today is day 4 of the chemo regiment. We have seen Harlen's white cells as high as 169,000, but his results this morning were hopeful. They are down to 22,690. His red cells and platelets will continue to fall also through this process, but they can be replenished with transfusions. We are praying for good numbers throughout this stay and remission.

The kids took the initiative and got at least kid family pictures done. Maya has been a steam roller setting up 2 fundraisers for Harlen. She really is a sweetheart. She was very successful. All the time she was deep in her studies to become a teacher. Cyrus is half way through his Master's program and He and McKayla are only 2 weeks from having our first grand baby. We are excited beyond words. True has stepped up and is taking Harlen's place on the farm. He and Katlyn worked tirelessly through harvest. Giles is still a senior in high school and has the coolest car and cutest girlfriend there. He loves to push my buttons, but we love him just the same. Lea finished a great volleyball season. She was the varsity setter and earned the Bulldog award, Honorable Mention all district,  Scholar athlete, and a 4.0. Wow. We hope they are courageous through this long process and can keep up with their good works. I want to share a few of our pictures.

It's Not You It's Me

I haven't been on the blog for a while. When last I wrote our future looked bright, but life never is that easy. St, Luke's broke up with us. Well they kicked us off their transplant team. They said we would be better served at the Huntsman Center in Salt Lake City, but I really think it had to do with our crappy health share plan. So we got a new insurance starting January 1, 2020, because Huntsman wouldn't take us with the health share plan either. So limbo is our life. Harlen is trying to keep his spirits up. He gets double transfusions weekly. His red blood cell count goes down and his white cells go up. It's a roller coaster and there is no way off for the time being.

We took Loughlin;s name through the temple last week. It was special with a lot of friends celebrating the moment with us. I think the medicine I am on is making me hard and without emotion, but rather that than where I have been.

Christmas is close and I am not ready, but I am never ready. Procrastination is my middle name.