Why not me?

I just have a simple question. Why not me? Harlen is so loved by so many. He does such an awesome job at being positive. He is a supreme provider for our family. The kids love him. Did I mention that everyone who knows him loves him. Mark Twain said " No one is a failure that has friends"

I am the opposite, and I am sure that people are whispering the question across the sphere. Why not her? She has made so many awful choices and mistakes in life. You're right it should be me. It should have always been me.11 years ago it should have been me. Hell 31 years ago it should have been me.Why can't it be me?

A Reprieve from the endless negative thoughts

I have a very exciting update. After quitting Lithium I had a very bad 6 weeks. I was down. I was lower than I have ever been in my life. It was the time of year + the Nyssa cop accusing me of killing my son + no medicine = tornado. I was in hell. I thought of every way possible I could end my life, but it never ever rose to the level of killing myself. There is a wide line between not wanting to live and being dead. I never wanted to be dead.

Harlen finally talked me into seeing the doctor again. 2 weeks ago I went to my general. He put me on Depacoat with a tiny dose of zyprexa at night, along still with my prozac and valium when needed. I am a walking medicine cabinet, but the change is unbelievable. I am mostly me again. I am smiling, laughing, enjoying life.

 Homecoming for Giles was last week. I was so down I didn't even go take pictures. That seemed to be the straw.........











 even took the girls to see Donald J. Trump last Saturday. It was so much fun. He came to Elko, NV and I knew that was the closest he would come.

 

  





We also finished the onion harvest. What a relief. The rain was scaring us but we are done and grateful. Harlen even got me out there for 2 days. I am sore and my fingers are killing me from picking clods, but it felt good. But I am too old for that kind of labor. ugh

 

  Lea's last volleyball game was so much fun. They played so well. Way to end a terrific season, my lil Freshman Varsity Setter . You are beyond impressive! We love you ........

Fun times again. Planning a trip to the coast just before Christmas. I cannot wait to get a vacation in this year. Bella Beach, 2 houses, Lots of family, Lots of fun. Nothing like a Winter storm in December watching from a outside hot tub. I am so excited.

Happy 25th Birthday Loughlin.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1871888009527170&id=128211143894874

Video of Loughlin's 15 years with us. I can't even start to describe the heartache. Miss him everyday, hour, minute, second.
Always an empty chair.

100 random Mormon mothers or a compliment for your wife

How hard do you believe it would be for your significant other to accept a compliment about your wife being the nicest Mormon at the reception. To which my son said My mom isn't really very nice and she isn't really a Mormon. Funny huh? Well I thought it was funny, but I guess not for everyone because it is too hard to comprehend that someone thinks your wife is nice, especially nicer than those perfect Mormons.Why are you with me? Sinking deeper.........

What a f-up religion

Never a Dull Moment

I have had a very eventful week. Fair began last Tuesday. We took 7 steers this year in our group. I thought they were the best set of steers we have had in a while, but the judge thought otherwise. We were placed in the middle throughout the fair. That's ok. You can't win them all and certainly not when their are 70 steers.

On the 2nd day of the fair. Harlen and I wandered down to the food court to get a bite to eat. As I was relaxing I heard a women start moaning and another lady start to scream. I turned just in time to catch an older lady as she was having a seizure. She was stiff and her eyes were set. I just kept thinking please don't die on me. 20 minutes later the EMT's came to get her off of me. She made a recovery and left the fair later that night. C-R-A-Z-Y I know.

The fair ended on Saturday night and I knew I just had one day to get some clothes washed and things cleaned up a bit before Maya's hip surgery at 7:30 am on Monday morning. I went out to feed the dogs first off and on my way back in the house a wasp stung me. I am allergic. I rushed in the house and found my Epi-Pen. I hate having to give myself a shot. I am miserable from the medicine seeping through my veins. My leg feels like it is on fire for hours after, but the other choice isn't a choice. So my Sunday was spent just living, not doing.

5:30 am we left for St. Lukes Boise. The surgery finally began about 9:30. It was supposed to take 90 minutes but the old screw did it's best to stay in her femur bone. They ended up using vice grips to pull it out piece by piece. The femur bone was then sawed off and the end was then screwed back in. The top part of the of femur bone was shaved down to re-form the hip. The surgery took 2 12 hours and this mom was frantic. She finally was in recovery but in a lot of pain. I felt so bad for her. 2 nights in the children's ward at the hospital and we are home. She still has a lot of pain and my back is aching from lifting her up and down. It is going to be a long recovery, 6 weeks. Hopefully each day get better. I love her so much. She is so strong and brave.

True's Graduation

M kids!

We had a great day with family and friends for True's graduation. 

He made me so proud graduating with honors.

He has such a great time in life.

After we had a big celebration party in the park below our house.

We had a great turnout. The day couldn't have been better.