6 months

Today marks 6 months since the accident and the loss of Loughlin. Ironically it is Monday the 27th. I can't breath. I think I am having an anxiety attack. How could this have happened? Why couldn't I have been more careful, drove safer, opened my eyes. Waking up each morning with the responsibility of the death of your oldest son on your conscience is almost unbearable at times, , the responsibility of Cyrus not ever fitting in to his life, that should be wonderful and carefree but is nothing of the sort. I never thought this day would come so soon. I never thought my life could change so much in just 6 months How sad and lonely I am. How I wish I could do it all over again. I promise God that I would open my eyes, that I would slow down and enjoy my life more, that I would tell Loughlin how much I love him, that I would hold him and tell him how very proud I was of him and what an incredible young man he was. I feel weak today, faint, sick, overburdened. 6 months without his smiling face, without his presence keeping us in line, without him helping out his dad who needs him so much, without making special meals just for him. I miss you so much Loughlin that I cannot breath today. I am so sorry I could not have changed this. Everything would be good if I had just saw that truck. I see you lying there in my mind, not moving and how I just wanted to hold you, one last time. You were so incredible in everything you tried. I love you. I loved every minute with you, even the hard times. I am so sorry I was so hard on you. Heavenly Father cover me today, protect me, help me walk, help me love, help me feel gratefulness for the blessings that are left here on Earth. Bless my family with the courage to withstand, to endure. I pray for the comforter to be with me, I pray that I will feel Loughlin near, I need him.