April Fool's

How I wish today God would just say those two beloved words, "April Fool's", and give me my life back; my son back at High School driving his mom crazy with all of those things 15 year old boys do, playing baseball last night at the game, driving around with his permit and doing the Geometry that his mom has never liked, that I could have my husband back the way he was before all of this happened, that Cyrus has no concerns except that he didn't finish his homework last night, that True could go a week without being in the principals office(which he had never been in before the accident),that I could actually make it through one day without breaking down into pieces, that I could walk into Maya's room without seeing her make shift shrine to her dead brother and sister, that when we went to Boondocks we had an even amount of kids so Lea didn't have to say, if Loughlin were here he would take me on the cars", that Giles had his biggest fan cheering him on in his soccer game last night, but just like this life those kind of dreams never come true! I am stuck in this nightmare. Yesterday I didn't have such a bad day but that is because I didn't want to face reality and I ignored the fact that my son is gone until I went to pick Cyrus up from school and the High school was playing their baseball game behind the school. I lost my smile, my better outlook and I was left with this reality that I do not like and that I do not really want to live in.