Garner Party of 9

Panic, fear, anxiety........Every morning when I open my eyes, the room feels as if the oxygen has been depleted. I breath in but there is never any fulfillment. My head spins just enough to nauseate me. I have 5 children to get up and get moving. I struggle through, not wanting them to know where I am at. I have been crazy long enough. Crazy, how long have I been this way. Oh it's been worse, so much worse, times I don't recall, times people remind me of. I am trying now, trying to get through, to be happy, to be successful. Sometimes I feel like staying in bed, pulling the covers over my head, not wanting to go out, not wanting to be seen, to have to talk, today is that day. Breathing is a luxury to me, thinking clearly a gift. The grief now feels so overwhelming, the sorrow uncontainable. It seems the two go hand in hand. I pray for some sort of easement. I pray for strength from my Father. I am waiting. I am trying so hard to make it...........