It isn't Fair but.......

Elaine Shaw Sorensen said,"Grace transcends mortal rules of justice. Life is not a mechanical scale of effort or suffering on one side balanced by the appropriate reward on the other. Life is a process of growth, where growth itself becomes the reward. I tired long ago of hearing promises of some future mortal reward equal to my suffering, as when well-meaning friends foresee financial security or loving companionship in a future whose happiness will outweigh the sadness of my past. The deceiving logic of such an idea implies that when life goes on, droning with problems, with no glory in sight, I am not yet worthy or perhaps have not yet suffered enough. That is unsettling, when all around, those apparently less righteous or less tried seem to be reaping the glorious gifts of this earth.
The fact is that trials are neither distributed equally nor sorted according to a subsequent and matching earthly or heavenly treasure. Problems are neither price nor penance for credit toward some misconceived idea of payment. Instead life itself, even eternal life, with growth, hope and peace promised by the Savior's Atonement, becomes its own reward, offering divine gifts of the Spirit. The proving question is not What will I gain or achieve but Who will I become?"

I found this quote yesterday in a book that I bought at Seagull. It struck me. Since Loughlin's death, I have had numerous people tell me that everyone suffers, everyone has trials, this is just another trial for me and I need to cope with it. I would look and see that seemingly everyone around me had all of their children and loved ones. They were smiling. Where would there trials be? The answer to my question was that not all trials are out for the world to see but I was sure in my mind that if a trial is great enough the world sees it. This is the first time that I have read that not everyone is equal, that your life won't miraculously turn into bliss overnight because you have suffered so. We are not as Job and everything will not be returned to us 10 fold. Sometimes you will struggle through life. Sometimes trials bring on new trials and new trials but one thing I have found is that it does no good to run or to bury your head in the sand, or to turn away from God. I was not swallowed by a great fish but by darkness nonetheless. I feel as though I have been spit out and now I understand what I must do and through my Savior's Love, He will make it possible for me to endure to the end and find joy once again.