Happy Birthday to my beautiful talented amazing baby birl

My baby is 14 and going to high school. She is so beautiful inside and out and talented. I love her to death. 

Homecoming Weekend and Lea's last game of the season

Giles Brenda Maya Steve
Homecoming 2017

Beautiful Night for some really great Kids.

I love them all so much! 

https://www.facebook.com/harlenkendalee.garner/videos/1718850148128140/

Lea's last service of the year. Video above

Drowned Yearbooks. The insanity of it all........

I am cleaning for the upcoming wedding. I found a yearbook from 2009 that belonged to Cyrus. It was in the basement flood and you couldn't open very many of the pages. I, like the curious cat, had to open the book. I read a few of the comments from his friends. This is the Spring after Loughlin's death. The comments read like this, "what a great year Cyrus" or "Hope next year is as good as this one" and I thought for a while. Was I aware of how this must of felt for my son. How could everyone around him be so oblivious to what he was going through. He had spent half the year in a wheelchair because of his legs. It made my heart hurt and my stomach sick to be reminded of what this brave kid went through. He is amazing.
I am thinking about Cyrus often right now. His upcoming nuptials are exciting, but they are also scary. We have a good relationship. I don't want that to go away. I know it will change as it has through the years, but I love our conversations on movies, literature and music, politics when it gets in the way. I love this man he has become against all odds.

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Skip ahead to Landslide on the Playlist at the top of the page.

"I took my love, I took it down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too"

Fleetwood Mac Landslide

I was walking in a retail store yesterday looking for a black dress for Lea and Maya for an upcoming occasion. When I passed the children section I became dark. At first I thought I am so glad that I am passed this time in my life, but then I got a bit uglier. I don't even want grandkids. I don't want to worry anymore. I don't want the chance of a loss again. It is better not to ever love than to love and lost. 

I am not handling the seasons of my life. I think I have reverted to the anger stage once again in this ongoing grief. Cyrus is getting married in 90 days. WOW! Maybe this "changin' ocean tide" is taking me under. Not that I am not ecstatic for him, I am. I am happy for him. He is happier than I have seen him in 9 years. She does that for him. 

It just sucks Loughlin won't be here to watch his lil brother tie the knot, or better yet tie the knot himself.