The lil' Red Heifer that stole my heart....

Harlen is gone delivering bulls to somewhere down in the middle of Nevada, no phone coverage. I have some hired guys but they are hard to get a hold of and I don't speak very good Spanish. Two days ago, our first calves arrived out of my bull( I picked him out), twins but there mom must have lost 3 quarters over the winter when it was cold and wasn't able to feed them. So the kids started them on a bottle. The first day was great but then li' Red lost interest. When I went out yesterday afternoon we couldn't find her. We looked everywhere and finally found her flat on the cement by the chute. She was so cold and her navel was swollen indicating a naval infection. I was feeling on the verge of brave, at times I get that way. She wouldn't suck and I knew if I didn't get her some nourishment soon, she would die.Lea went and got the tuber and I proceeded to put that long steel tube down her throat and feel her belly with the milk. She was still so cold that my boys carried her in the house for me and we put her in the tub, sticking a heater next to her. Then I gave her 2 shots in the naval of tetracycline .( Should have been Penicillin) but I didn't have any. When I finally went to bed she seemed better, warmer, breathing better. I dreamed dreams of better days, of my baby, my Grandma and Loughlin, happy times..At 4:30 am when I awoke to check her she was gone, cold. I know you might all think I am crazy but she had those eyes that seemed to plead with me to help her and this morning I feel I have failed, and I am sad. I raise cattle for a living and I am rarely emotionally attached  but this time is different, this time I really feel I failed her. Her coat was that  of a rusty crimson, so beautiful and fluffy. Lea had pans to show her at the fair. Tomorrow soon will come and there wil be a hundred more like her but not like her.