I wanted to post on a good day for once. The last three days have been manageable once again for me. I have been busy and have kept my thoughts in check, which is a gold medal feat for me. I still have doubts that creep in but I believe now it is something I will work through in my own time. I cannot force a testimony on myself. I can feel God around me most of the time. I can feel him comfort me when I ask. I know he has blessed my family's lives throughout these last four months and still blesses us each day.
Harlen's back is giving him trouble. He has so much to do and it worries me that he is stuck in here thinking of everything he needs to get done. I wish I could help take some of his burden but I am not that good of a farmer.
I am still cautious about feeling secure. There are days when I look for things that could go wrong but I am strengthened by my families love, in knowing that we will deal with the trials as they are presented. I think it was Lincoln that once said, Thank God the future comes one day at a time. for each day for me is a baby step back to a life that is joyful, certainly not the same joy I felt before losing Loughlin but I believe one day it will be a new joy, one that will feel most of the space in this lonely heart, that I will catch myself smiling just because I am happy and no other reason. Tonight I am thinking of the other moms of angels that are struggling. Know that I am praying for you as I know you do for me on my bad days.
I am hoping for a peaceful night.
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