Monday, March 16, 2009
Homework
I am trying to accomplish 4 weeks of homework in 2 days. I went to bed late last night and I am sure tonight will be even later. Two finals tomorrow and then I am done for 2 weeks. I am very excited and can't wait for a couple of days with girlfriends just to unwind and relax add in one trip to Utah to deliver bulls and maybe life will seem a little better. I plan on painting my living room a very sunny color also. Wish me luck. Today seems better maybe because I am so very busy. Never an hour goes by without missing my young man.
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Hello,
I saw your comment on Plaid's blog and I was drawn to your blog. I am sorry for your loss and for your pain. I lost our first son at birth. That was hard but not as hard as it would have been if he had been 15 like your son. However, my sister was killed in a car accident when she was 14. I saw the grief that brought to my mom. I understand a little bit of what you are going through. I wish that there was something I could say to help. I know that there isn't.... but at least I want you to know that I care.
I have read all of your posts. I agree with you that it is easy to have faith when it has never really been tested.... however.... when it is really tested is when we need to have it the most. I have been praying with all my heart for the the Lord to bless two of my children.... and so far it has not happened. I find myself asking why and feeling badly the Lord seems to not be willing to grant us these blessings that He freely gives to others. However, my was touched by general conference last Oct. It seemed like many of the talks were meant just for me. I was especially touched by Elder Anderson's
comment that faith is a decision.... not just a feeling.
I have questions that have no answers. I can see thatyou do to.... that your heart is crying out Why... Why??? We can not understand. It seems there is no answer to make sense of your losses and heart aches.... but giving up your faith will only drag you down farther. As hard as it is to hold on..... as tired as you are of trying to have faith ....to be a good example to your children and husband... as weary as you are... don't give up. Decide that you will have faith... I know that you feel that God has neglected you... I am sorry... but He does love you. I know that He loves us all. Look for the little tender moments that let you know He loves you. You feel so alone but you are not. You said that you feel like you are only holding on by your finger nails...that is not much but it is something. Keep holding on.... it will get better... you will get stronger. This time will pass and the pain will get better.
I pray that the Lord will be with you and you will feel His comfort infold you.
I am a ordinance worker in the Redland's Temple each Thursday. I would like to put your name on the prayer list if that is OK with you. You can email me from my blog and give me your first name if you would like me to do that.
I am sending you love. Good luck on your tests. I hope that each tomorrow gets better and easier to face. Hugs, Grammy Lura
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