Wondering when they are coming home

I was talking to a good friend yesterday, who lost a daughter to childbirth when she was only 20. I asked if the feeling ever leaves of wondering when they are coming home. It seems at least two times a day I wonder when Loughlin will be home from a friends, from sports or from working out on the farm. I know most are probably thinking that that seems a strange feeling but when you think about someone for 16 years of your life, you grow accustom to be concerned for their well-being. Every night at supper time I miss Loughlin so much, every night at bedtime I think about getting him to bed on time, every morning when I wake the boys for school, I wonder if Loughlin had homework he needed to get up early and do. I miss him so much. The piece of my soul that is gone is not healing. My heart feels so empty without him here. My house feels so strange, that it almost is not my house. Everything is the same but everything is different. All that is left is pictures and memories and they just don't do anything to change the mood. I cannot get use to him not being here. I don't think I will ever understand why God felt it necessary to take him from us. Why did He think I was strong enough to go through this again? I feel wilted. Where is the well that I can drink from so that I will never thirst again?

After losing Rhiannon, I remember feeling this way but I met Harlen, got married, and with each child a little of that hole was filled with the love for the other children. How do you feel a hole when you are through with that time in your life? There will be no more children and is that the way it should be done anyway? Does one child replace the love you felt for another? I am venting today. I am grateful for this blog so that I can express my feelings in a positive manner. I feel a little better after venting.