Friday, February 6, 2009

The un-welcomed visitor


Harlen is feeling better and Grief is back. It's funny how he stays away when there are other things that call for my attention but when life starts looking up, he is back. He creeps into my dreams and makes me worry about others in my life. He makes me think of sad times instead of all the joyful times I had with Loughlin. He is relentless in kneeling on my chest so that I cannot breath. He makes the guilt enter my heart and control my thoughts. He never leaves my mind to rest. He makes me so tired. He is a visitor that is not welcomed but will not leave our house, even if we plead. I am grateful for him, because I know I have to live with him for a while or he will hang with me for the rest of my life. I hope soon that he finds someone else to visit some of the days of the week. I hope it is soon he lets me have joy again.
There is so much to do in the next week. Our bull sale is Feb 17 and it is a lot of work on a normal year. I am grateful for friends who help us get through all of this. I can still feel your prayers and I am so grateful.

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