Our Sale

The sale went very well yesterday. It was one of our better sales, in fact we have not done this well in 6 years. Norman and Julie Bennett donated a heifer to begin the sale for a scholarship fund in Loughlin's name. It sold 6 times with each person donating the heifer back to re-sell again. This was very emotional on an already emotional day. I am once again overwhelmed with the generosity of our friends and neighbors. I know we would not be able to get through this trial without them. I had so much help with the sale this year. Friends and Neighbors pitched in to cook, make cookies and bake potatoes so that left me enough energy to get my other important tasks done. I don't think I would have made it without all of the help. My parents and brother Kurt were up here to help and Harlen's mom and Fred did what they could to help also. All in all it was a day to be grateful for.

Today I miss Loughlin more than I have for a very long time. I don't know whether I am really exhausted or tired of being strong. I am sad that I did not have my oldest son to celebrate the day with. I missed him looking out the window at Cyrus and True working the gates during the sale. I could almost hear him say, "Mom, how did it go?"He was always worried about me and his dad. He was such a good kid, I hardly ever had to worry about him. Oh how I wish I could hold him in my arms again. My body aches with the desire to tell him how I love him. I keep wishing for a do over and I know I can never have it. He is never coming home again. What an inconsolable thought. I will never hear his laugh again or see him smile that beautiful smile or get excited over the smallest things you would do for him. I will never see him wrestle with his brothers or get so nervous showing that steer. He is really gone. There is no nightmare to wake up from only this Earthly existence that seems so normal now but so unique and horrid. I pray for some strength today, some comfort, some love from my Father in Heaven. Loughlin I miss you.