Every morning since the accident I have awoke with a feeling as if someone has punched me in the gut; like the breath has been knocked out of me; like someone is sitting on my chest. With each morning the realization that this isn't a bad dream comes sooner. I walk around the house sort of numb to the world. "How could my son be gone?" The question that lingers in the air, that takes all of the life and happiness I have and hides it for another day. When I pray in the morning for peace these feelings are softened but there are times when I am so angry at God that I can not go to him. It is if I am a child again and that I believe the silence will work and I will get what I want. The only thing I want though is my son back and I know that will never happen in this mortal existence. The silence hurts my ears. It hurts my heart and my soul and becomes overwhelming. Since Cyrus went back to school the house is so quiet. I do not like the quiet. It makes you think to hard and sometimes I wish I could just sit with no thoughts in my head, just to relax for a moment, to pretend that "All is Well". One day I hope that I will be able to say those words with the conviction of my being.
I love you Loughlin. Can you hear me?
1 comment:
Hi mum...yes I am sure he can not only hear you but he is right there with you when your house is quite.You need to remember when it was you and him while the other kids did there sport....
the silence is 'your' time together love and light e x
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