Mother's Day

It's funny about Mother's Day. About the time I was old enough to appreciate my mother, I was a mother. I had Rhiannon 8 days after Mother's Day 1988. I was a mom. I held her and fed her and loved her. Then I wasn't a mother. For 5 years I watched other mother's and felt cheated and angry, but most of all I was by myself in my agony. Then Loughlin was born. For 15 years I had motherhood bliss. Cyrus 2 yrs after and then True 3 yrs after that. Maya, my beautiful girl 2 yrs later and followed by Giles and then the biggest surprise was Lea. I was so blessed and happy. Pregnancy was horrible for me. I felt sick everyday. Threw up everyday including delivery day but it was so worth it. My kids were my everything, They still are. But Mother's Day I would rather skip it , pretend like it isn't there. I love my mom and wish her a happy day but I wish that for her everyday. I guess I should be 5/7's happy I know. It is the missing chairs, the missing smiles, and laughs. It is just missing. I am not sleeping again. The letters from the lawyers are coming in the mail again, When will this nightmare end?