My Grandpa's 92 years & Memorial Day

 I lost my Grandpa Harvey yesterday. I was so blessed to have him in my life. He was a hero. He served in World War II. He was on Normandy Beach. He came home an alcoholic. He drank until, one too many days he woke up, hung over, sometimes not where he thought he should be. He pulled himself together and made it to an AA meeting. He made 50 years sober before he passed away. In the time after he was sober, he married my grandma. I feel so lucky that he chose to be my Grandpa. He didn't have to but he did. He loved having this huge garden with my dad every year. He called it his farm and I always chuckled because I lived on a real one. I am really going to miss him and his dark humor. He loved me like I was his own and just like my Grandma Hamann never judged me.

I wish Memorial Day was what it was meant to be, a time to honor our soldiers who died in the line of duty. I would love that. I would do what I could to honor all of them.

 I don't like that it has become a forced decoration day for the graves. I want to be able to decorate the graves when I want to. I don't understand this. I hate feeling guilty. I shouldn't have to feel guilty over the graves of my two children. So I decorated Loughlin's and everyone else in the Garner family. Sure they are beautiful but my heart is raw at the passing of my Grandpa yesterday. Sometimes I don't know if I can endure much more. In our tiny area we have Loughlin,  Harlen's dad, Val (died at 62), his brother , Stacey (died at 33 of a bee sting), His Grandma & Grandpa, His Uncle Blair (who died at 14 of Rheumatic Fever), Above us is our Uncle Dee, also a World War II vet and Braden Wheeler, who died at 2. His Grandma is a Garner and she was also my best friend, his mom was my kid's babysitter and just like a daughter. Also just West of Loughlin is Kaylin Schulthies, daughter of my other best friend, (she died of cancer at 15) The cemetery is proof to me that we have no control in this life and faith has nothing to do with how easy your life is.

Val Garner with his love

And as for guilt. Rhiannon is buried in the Evergreen Cemetery in Springville, Utah. I can't decorate her grave today, or most days. I am so busy in life that I hardly ever travel there. Guilt. She is by herself there. My Grandma & Grandpa are buried across the road and down about 200 yards from her. Their son Stephen is there ( He was 3 when he drowned in the creek next to their house) and my cousin April who died at 18 of cancer also. God has not been kind to our 2 families on early deaths. The cemetery is depressing. I want to be able to go when I want to go without judgement from the judging community.