One year and 3 months after and yet today the sadness brought me to my knees. I visited his grave today. The anger and bitterness made me physically sick, so much so I had a hard time making it back to the car. I miss him with every molecule of my being. He was so intertwined in my life that I have a hard time knowing how to move on without him.
In the last month I have made some really bad decisions. Decisions that might change my entire life, my family and my future. I have been plagued by trials that happened after the death of my son that have affected my mind in ways I could not even begin to explain. I am trying to come to terms with my wrong choices and with the consequences of not finding help when I so needed it.
So today I have decided to make my blog into a remembrance of my son's life. For as long as I can, I am going to write each day about something Loughlin loved. I am hoping to make it 365 days with a new memory each day. I would love to share my son with you..........
Loughlin's favorite food was Cattle Drive Chili. He would have ate it everyday if his mom would have let him. He found new ways to enjoy this staple from hot dogs to chili burgers. It was even more appealing to him because he could make it on his own and he did every time I cooked something he wouldn't eat, which was quite often. Loughlin was a very picky eater. The cans sit on my shelf so much longer without him here.....
3 comments:
I'm sorry that today was not a good day and that you've been struggling with life in general. I'm glad that you posted, though...it's been awhile and it always gives me a "feel" for where you are and how you're doing. I tried calling you last week, but you weren't home. And this week I've just been taking care of Miss McCall since she had her tonsils out last Friday.
I think Lough would like the idea of you remembering things that he loved. I hope one of the things that you remember that Loughlin loves is "you". And so do we.
I'm sorry today was a tough one. As for decisions made, please try to be forgiving with yourself. There are no guidebooks for the right way to handle this stuff and my guess is you are just trying to get your head above water any way you can.
I love the idea of sharing things about Loughlin and I would love to hear more about him. Thinking of you Kenda.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time! Please remember people love and care for you!
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