Saturday, August 8, 2009
Implied
Today when I was coming out of the grocery store, Loughlin's old basketball coach was there to greet us. He acted like he had had a few and was very talkative. We spoke with him for quite a while before he implied that I had killed Loughlin...... Funny how people speak without inhibition when they have a few drinks in them. Just got me wondering, who as I go about trying to live this life, look at me and think I killed my son. But who would blame them, I guess I did. I am feeling those destructive feelings again, trying to find my way out but each time I am here it gets harder to want to come back.
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7 comments:
As one mother to another I KNOW, YOU KNOW AND GOD KNOWS you did not kill your son he was tragically taken from you in an accident, sometimes people are just a little too special to stay here on earth and are called home earlier than any of us would like.....we are all at some stage in our life touch by death and all react differently. Please be kind to yourself only you can when ignorant people open their mouth!!!! sending down under love e xxx
Oh my goodness, please don't do that to yourself. That is the furthest thing from the truth, the adversary would like for you to believe otherwise. I completely agree with El. Be kind to yourself. Our Father in Heaven and our Savior completely understand you.
I know this may not make sense at this time in your life, however I want to share with you a quote that was read to me at BYU-I education week last week. It is from Elder Scott, November 1995 Ensign, p.17 (I'm paraphrasing)..."Your Father in Heaven and His beloved Son love you perfectly, ...they would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit."
Think of Loughlin's love for you and your love for him. I'm sure he is anxiously engaged in our Father's work on the other side of the veil. Don't you dare give up! Keep fighting!
I'm so sorry. Sometimes it's only after the stupid stupid stupid comments/actions of others that we begin to understand how much love there is around us. Think of those who have lifted your family up through this terrible trial. There really are good people left in the world and you don't have to look very far to find them. It's just harder to do after insensitive and naive comments.
Keep your chin up.
Bridget
Please let the Atonement heal you!!!
Please know that people say things that they really don't mean. (especially drunk people) No one really believes you killed Loughlin. You are an amazing person that had some bad luck one day. You would never hurt any of your children, I just feel that from your sweet spirit. Kendalee, remember that God knows the events of the day and he may have had some control on what happened. You can and will make it through these dark days. We angel moms are all pulling and praying for you. Love, Nicole - Mia's mom ^i^
Unfortunately Nicole is right drunk people say things they don't mean. I am so sorry that you had to run into this insensitive person. Anyone who has ever met you knows how much you LOVE your kids it just shows all over your face. It was an accident and no one can stand in judgement of you they have no idea. I am sorry i wish I could take it away for you. But lean on the Lord for He is the only one who can truly comfort you with His loving arms. I hope you have a wonderful time w/your family this week. Just know I am always praying for you and love you.
Amy
:( Be good to yourself this week...things like this throw us back so far. 1 step forward, 2 steps back. *HUG*
I think one of the worst parts of grieving is having to endure the sharp, pointy barbs that others unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally and seriously misguided and ignorant) throw our way. I wish more people would learn to just say "Im sorry you have to go through this" and "its just really not fair" and then just listen and love!!!
Yes, the Atonement heals, but the Gospel and even the Atonement, do not allow us to skip over the normal and natural process of grieving- which never truly STOPS, it just CHANGES. Grief will always be with us for the rest of our mortal lives. Please understand that and do not judge someone's faith by how (or how long) they are grieving and mourning. It lasts months, and yes, even years and that's NORMAL. Don't be surprised when we show grief even 1 year later, 5 years later, 10 years later...
Cliche remarks like "he's in a better place" or "at least we have the gospel" or "its for our own good" are not comforting to hear. It belittles the grieving person's natural and normal feelings. Truly, if someone wants to honestly understand and help their grieving loved ones, they should start by reading books on grief. There are plenty of great ones at the LDS bookstore or on Amazon.com, and it only takes a couple days to read one. Its only a matter of time until you'll need that information for your own personal losses as well.
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