Disservice

My family tree.

Today I have decided to make a concerted effort to change the direction of these posts. I have read back at some of my writings and been consumed with the feeling that Loughlin's life was such a guidance in so many other people's lives that I am certainly doing a disservice to his memory by feeling down and angry most of the time. He was an incredible young man. He thought of others all of the time. He had a huge heart. He was super smart and was willing to help his dad or me most of the time with little prodding. His death brought our little community together in so many ways. Our loss, I believe, made others reflect on their own lives. It made others hug their children tighter, love them more, take more time to be with them. The service in our little community for our family was abundant. In a lifetime I could never repay the debt. Friends, Family and others who barely knew us , or didn't know us at all, opened their heart, gave freely, used their hands and minds all to benefit us. All in a memoriam of Loughlin's short but thoughtful life. He is looking down on me and my family today, hoping we make it through this, and helping anyway he can to ease our burdens. I just miss him so very much. I know what I need to do and I hope I have the conviction to stay on the right track. I must look outward and stop looking inward and pitying myself. Service is my way out of this slump so that I may Return with the same Honor that Loughlin did. These last 8 months have flown by. It won't be long until I am with Loughlin and Rhiannon again. I am trying to get past the guilt I feel. Guilt is a darkness that is hard to free yourself from. I pray this world keeps spinning quickly and one day I am sure I will catch up.

I love you Loughlin and I hope I can make my life something you will be proud of.