Last night Maya conducted our family home evening. It was on forever families and Kurt joined us. Maya asked him to give the closing prayer and his prayer was beautiful. He talked about how grateful he was for families that cared. He slept here again last night. I don't want him to stay down at my mom's house. It is so nice having him here. I haven't spent much time with him since I left home. It seems that one of us was always to busy when there could have been an opportunity. I am thankful we got him to come up here with us. My kids love him so much and he is so wonderful with them.
True, Giles and Maya are doing a little better. They seem to be handling the loss a little better and so am I to a point. It matters what day you ask me on. I miss him more than words can say. It is so empty without him here. It is sort of like legs on a table. There use to be six holding up everything in our life. Our kitchen table is the catch all for everything that comes into the house. Now that table is leaning over because Loughlin was the caretaker of the other 5. He is gone and no amount of books can prop up that leaning table. The others always looked to him for strength and guidance in times such as these. Cyrus is not ready for that role yet. He is barely taking care of himself.
It bothers me that I never got to say goodbye. I found this picture the other day. It is of Loughlin down at my family reunion last year. It is on my computer as a background now. The wave that I miss is there to greet me every morning telling me goodbye. I still wish I could see him again. Harlen tells me it would never be enough. I know it wouldn't but it would be nice. Oh I can't wait for the second coming. I am ready for it tomorrow.
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