Gripe

How long has it been since I have griped? It seems an eternity. HAHAHA Well here goes....... 
I am a realist. This could be some of the reason I have been having a hard time with faith since losing Loughlin. I want everything to make some sort of sense, I like rules of math and English and if there are rules I feel they should be enforced to everyone the same. When I hear things like, "everyone has trials", I want to see it with my own eyes. When it is said "everything will be made right", I have to wonder how in heaven this pain will be made right. How can the smiles, hugs, graduations, missions, weddings, grandchildren and time ever be made right? How can you get those back? Realist: You can't. People are not tried the same, there is no possible way this could be true. Don't tell me that some trials cannot be seen. If trials are large they are always seen. And then go ahead and tell me to get past Loughlin's death, when every single day is a bitter reminder that he is not here and the suffering of my other children go on and on. But you don't know that because you make assumptions that life is good for us now and that it is only me holding us back. If I was to guess by the way you put together your sentences when you speak ,you should but, that you know no better. Maybe you are speaking in tongues....
So here goes, you want me to apologize to the lady that talked nasty about my son behind his back to another mother. You are worried about her feelings. Well I might be on the rough side of callous, but I was under the impression that adults are adults and they should be able to handle themselves. Would I ask my husband to protect me from some crazy comment about some new larger appendage I decided to add to my body...uuuhh no. Would I cry about how I was treated in high school when I was a married woman with kids...huh no again  And if that was actually true wouldn't I as a girl not treated well in high school think before I spoke behind another teenagers back knowing the consequences... you would think, but that would require a brain. You would think you would want to build these kids up not tear them down, but that must not be the case. And the protection goes to who? Is it because of the name, the money or the prestige?

I would like a full apology to my son and his friend from both husband and wife. The kids are the ones we should worry about. 
These are the reasons kids fall away from the church. Sometimes they are looking for this kind of reason. We should try hard not to hand it to them. And as far as the comment that sometimes my kids don't need my protection.......That is why God put me on this Earth. That is the most important part of my life, my kids. There isn't a time when my protection is unneeded. You would think you would want to protect the kids in this case, the ones that have actually known loss and trials. Funny, the way I always believed my church was, has been turned completely upside down. Christ loved the humble and meek, now we esteem the rich and powerful.... What was that scripture???????????, Matthew 19:24 " And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."
Really the topper of this is that we lie to pass off some scouts on merit badges when they could not have possibly passed, I ought to know and we ignore others for 4 years...Could it be name, money, love of power???? Just wondering



Ok I feel a bit better now!