Venting

I think I have explained before that this blog is my way of getting my thoughts out of my head, on the screen and for the most part it aids me in having those angry or jealous feelings or questions that linger in my brain worked out, answered and healed. I am sorry if sometimes I seem harsh. I don't mean to be.

 I have always been one to call a duck a duck even when it's me, quack, quack. I know when my thoughts are not healthy. On the upside I have to say that once they are on the screen they are usually gone from my heart. So if I have hurt anyone out there in bloggerspace, I am sorry but this blog is a selfish setup for me to heal. I am a long way in this journey but I know I have a long way to travel. My life is kind of like the road I travel every day in fact 4 or 5 times a day, where I drive by the place where I hit the truck and our life of hell began to 3 miles down the road where I pass Loughlin's headstone. Like that road there are reminders everyday, many times a day of what is missing in my life.
 Like today as I stopped at the grave and wondered what I could put on it it so it didn't look shabby (like it does because the decorations are faded) but as I left the grave I felt sorry for myself again. 

Notice his nametag!

I thought that I should be buying missionary clothes for Lough not decorations. I can hear the negative whispers in my head saying it has been 4 years. It is reality. Get over it. The whispers make me angry and sad. My reality makes me angry and sad. There he is 7 ft under, so close but I can never talk to him or hold him again. How will I ever make it through? I miss and love you so very much Lough.






And to that one gal, who I believe is mad at me. I love you. You have always been there for me and even through this I know you  would do anything for me. So if I made you angry I am truly sorry.