Yesterday night on the way home from town, Harlen remembered he needed to move a truck out of the field. He said, "Remind me to move that truck". The same words he uttered almost 3 years ago, but I didn't remind him, because it was Sunday and I wanted him home with us. So stupid to be so selfish over a few minutes and now I have a lifetime without my son to bless my life. I hate feeling so responsible for his death but no matter how you spin it, I did it. I have tried so hard to see it another way, that it was an accident and there was nothing I could do about it, but that is not true. I could have prevented it in so many ways, and yet I made so many mistakes that day and even the day before. I miss you so much Loughlin. Football camp today. Cy and True are gone. It is so quiet without my boys here, especially my oldest. What I wouldn't give away for just one more look, hug, day with you here.
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