And the Beat goes on

Yesterday the kids and I spent 5 hrs at yet another NeuroPsychologist requested by the attorneys. 5 hrs of testing and evaluation. 7 years after the accident they are going to somehow decipher if my kids were affected mentally or socially by the accident. Well I know that I am affected mentally and socially by 7 years of this bullshit. It feels as if you take an ice pick and shove it into my heart and twist it for good measure every time I am asked to put my kids through this. I really hate the process and I have started to hate everyone involved.
This morning I am having a hard time finding my feet. Walking is a chore. Thinking isn't possible. I am spent. I am weary. I am tired. I am BEAT. I give. I don't want to live this life anymore. I would sell myself to get the money my kids need to get through their ailments, just to have this end. Court starts on December 18th for Maya. 7 days before Christmas, 7 years after I killed my son and ruined my kids' lives. 7 seems to be a reoccurring theme. Giles said "I didn't answer the questions right. I am not telling a complete stranger how angry I get" I just do it around my family. It isn't his business. You know what he is RIGHT!

And for all you do gooders out in the small community I live in. Quit talking, Quit judging, Quit bugging, just QUIT!