Mark on this World

Loughlin's Bull

Since  the day Loughlin was born, I thought as a mom, he will really make a mark on this world. Yesterday I donated the money from his bull we sold in the sale. I came away with the feeling that this is not the mark I intended for Loughlin to make. It was depressing at the same time it felt good to give. It made me sad. It's so hard that even your husband doesn't understand how this could effect you, how you could feel sad doing this. I am tired of trying to explain.
I also visited Loughlin's grave yesterday. You could still see plainly the cut out of where he was buried. Hard to imagine it's been over 6 years. Yesterday was the first time in a long time I felt like giving up. For over 6 years I have had a lot on my plate but always fell short. I can't keep up. Some days it is all I can do to get my kids to school. I have all these lofty goals and everyday I fail. I am most days a complete failure. Tired of being asked why I can't get more done. I hate this.