Fasting

I have been fasting for 40 hours right now well except for a bit of liquid to take my meds. I am fasting for so many reasons, a few of which are to teach me once again that food is not in control of me and that I can control what I put in my mouth. I am fasting for peace. I am also fasting for help in dealing with a truth I knew long ago but never wanted to really believe. The last thing I am fasting for is a real knowledge of God. I am trying to be humble and pray but the anger has grasped hold of my mind and is putting up a grand fight in letting go. It is hard to believe that all of those things you felt throughout your life that the people around you thought of you are completely true. I want to give and receive real forgiveness. I am tired of trying to be something I am not just to make others happy. I cannot be the person I want to be when all of these things encompass my life, my thinking. I have little energy and I need to focus it all towards my family to get them into adulthood without being incredibly nuts like their mom is.