3 Days

For three days now I have been back in that dark place, the place where there is no hope, no light, and really no love. I find myself in conversations with no knowledge of what the other person is saying. Their mouths move but my mind can scarcely find room for my own thoughts, not alone their problems, cares or joys. I am miserable. I am soooo tired of trying to overcompensate for being such a horrible mom, for putting my beautiful children through more than any child should ever have to bear, for taking a life. I saw where they charged a mom in Southern Idaho with vehicular homicide just the other day for not having her child in a seat belt when they wrecked. Why her and not me? Wow really, isn't losing your child enough punishment for the rest of you days? And yet ........

I have no energy for anything. I go to games and practices and just try to keep up on laundry. My house is a disaster, my life worse. I want to give up but that would be more than my kids could handle.