Thursday, March 31, 2011
My Little Miss Maya
I just finished my first special ed meeting for Maya. Our last school was hesitant about getting Maya any help, in fact it was like pulling teeth to get them to consider it. After visiting an incredible neuropsychologist the first of this year, he has brought a lot to the attention of Harlen and I and also our new school. Maya is doing better. We have the most wonderful 5th grade teacher on the planet and I am so grateful for that. Maya has passed both state tests and only one left to go. I am grateful for all of this.(She hadn't passed any since the accident) I know this meeting was not about me and yet I had to sit and listen to the SE teacher keep saying ," well she will qualify for more help if we meet some criteria, and then she proceeded with one of them is a TBI (traumatic brain injury) well there is no question she has had that". OK, I know she has had that but I am wondering how many times in a 1 hour meeting we can clearly point out that I am totally responsible for this TBI and really whatever I do now will not make up for the fact that I ran into a farm truck and changed our lives for the negative forever. She didn't really point this out but everytime she mentioned the TBI, I was sick, sick in my heart and in my head and the bile was clearly coming up my throat. UUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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My friend's little girl recently died, and she has said a few times how she kept her child alive longer because she made the right decisions along the way. She never said that my kids died so early because I wasn't an insightful and diligent enough mother, but that's what it felt like she was saying. This is all just more evidence that the grief is there. Really, it's easy to *say* don't blame yourself. And maybe even a good part of you thinks about how it's unreasonable to blame yourself. But there's that part of us that just will always feel responsible for all the harms and hurts our children suffer. I guess what you can look at from this situation is how much you've fought for Maya to get the help she needs. No matter the underlying reasons she needs the help, you didn't give up on her when her last school did. And considering how much you're trying to manage, that's no small feat. So though it might sound trite, I really do hope you can be gentle with yourself even though this life is so hard.
And...
Congrats to Maya for the progress she's made!
Let me just say as a vetern special ed meeting goer, those meetings are hard and as a parent it is almost impossible to have all your child's delays and areas they need help laid out in front of you and to not walk out of there feeling depressed. I am so glad to read Maya passed those tests and is doing better. Wtg Maya and mom and dad!!
That said, I will say there is noooooo reason that woman needed to continually point out the TBI. I have been to a few meetings where someone has acted like that. Repeatedly pointing out Drew's disability and what he can't do that his peers can and after a few experiences with that, now if that happens I tell them as nicely as possible, let's focus on where he is at academically now (ie what he CAN do) and where it is we would like him to be and how we are going to get there. There is no reason or point in continually pointing out what the child's disability may be.
*sorry so long, I have lots to say on this topic. :)
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