I am writing from the self made bunker of the Huntsman Center in SLC, Utah. Harlen's last biopsy came back dirty with leukemia so we are once again trying a new chemotherapy for 3 weeks and because of the Corona Virus I had to make the decision to stay here or leave. Well they told me I had to leave but I prayed that they would make an exception for us because I had barely left his side in 5 weeks. The word came from the top that I was one of 3 that could stay. I was relieved, but knew it was going to be hard to stay away from my kids and grand baby for another 8 weeks. It wasn't a question though to leave Harlen by himself. We are in this together. So my agoraphobia had finely paid dividends. I didn't want to leave Harlen so I didn't and because I had stayed with him for 2 weeks straight; They let me stay. Today is day #3 of 21. I took a nap and the day was somewhat shorter. I was shaken from my sleep by another nightmare of loved ones dying and me breaking down. But I snapped out of it quickly without any meds to help me. I am getting stronger. I miss my kids fiercely. I always put my priorities on a scale. Harlen tops that scale right now, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell to be away from my kids, especially with the uncertainty in this world. I pray frequently for all my loved ones, and I hope we can overcome the boredom of living in a hospital room knowing the boogeyman lurks outside and inside our minds and this world.
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