The World still revolves even though........

Giles, Thomas & Logan

I have been thinking so much in these last days. I am not sleeping much. The loss of Giles' friend has really affected me. It has brought back so many memories. I have been watching our little community and I have noticed what I noticed after Loughlin passed away. Everyone else is still living.  People are working. Kids are playing. Moms are shopping. Families are camping, swimming, laughing, but for this family, life has stopped. It will never be the same. I feel paralyzed. We farm across the road from their house. I had to take True up to rake some hay yesterday and the oxygen left the car. It seems I know way too many moms that have lived this horrible nightmare. I have sat and worried about Jenn, in the shower, driving in my car, washing dishes, folding laundry, trying to smile for my kids but my heart is broken, broken in half. I know this existence, and that is what it is, an existence. I read the comments about Thomas, what a great kid he was, how everyone loved him, how he was kind to everyone and it hits my heart. That is what they said about Loughlin. That is what the little notes that they left at his funeral said about him. I know Thomas was this kid. He rode in the back of my van this year coming home from football. If we stopped to get something to drink, he declined. He wouldn't let me pay for him. He had so many manners. We once talked about him getting bullied. I said Thomas you are so big and strong no one should bully you. I said you need to stick up for yourself. He told me he doesn't like being mean. He exemplified 'turn the other cheek'. Now the world will have to endure without another of these great souls. I don't care that I don't understand. I am angry. No mom should ever have to live one day without their babies in their lives. God I wish I could take away their pain. I have made it 27 and 7 years, just add on to my sentence, without taking another baby from me. They don't deserve this.

I will try to do fair books but all of the time I am thinking how unfair this life is.