I could cry everyday....

I could cry everyday. I could find a reason to cry each and every day. I could look at my children and dream of what should have been. I could cry myself to sleep at night and then again wake up crying. I think some out there in the big bad world assume I do just that. I don't cry all the time, in fact I try not to cry. I especially try not to cry in front of anyone else, not even my family. I don't want to appear weak, I am. I want to seem strong, I'm not.
It seems relative, this life. I use to cry when I dropped my babies off for the first day of school, before losing Loughlin but really what is 8 hrs without your kids when you are looking at a lifetime without them. I dropped Lea and Giles off this morning for their first day. They were so excited and happy. Who am I to be sad.....

But Wednesday morning I will be leaving Cyrus at UW. That isn't 8 hrs. I know it is time in my mind but my heart cries out for more. He is the dream kid. He is nice and respectful. He is acts a little bit like me, He is the only one that will watch scary movies with me. LOL He likes Dylan and Clapton along with his stuff. I am going to miss him terribly but I am so happy for him to get out of this place, for him to start new, for him to have the chance to see that the church is different every where you go and most place you are not rewarded for being the wealthiest in town, and really they might find the time for you. So I am so happy for him. He is so smart and I know he will accomplish exactly what he sets his mind to do.