BYU TV Crucibles

http://www.byutv.org/watch/28cc54a0-1cfb-45ff-9230-7167de3d71e7/real-families-real-answers-family-crucibles

I wish that every leader in the church could watch this before taking the reins. How much heartache could be avoided if only they could be instructed on positive constructive comments? 
For me at the end of the first story the mom said she felt she put too much on Shania . She would tell her don't ever leave me. I always told my babies that. I told them I wouldn't be able to handle it again.................but here I am missing Loughlin with every breath I take.

October Sky

I watched a movie on Sunday named "October Sky". It was a Christian drama, which at first I didn't think would affect me. A story about a girl who was a survivor of a botched abortion but it did get to me. Her twin brother died because they were born at 24 weeks. The dad said to his daughter, I was so overprotective and controlling not because I didn't trust you but because I didn't trust the Lord. I finally found an explanation for my behavior with my kids over the last 19+ years. I didn't sleep hardly a wink until they reached a year old and after that I was so protective, you could say controlling, but why not? I was so afraid of losing another baby after losing Rhiannon that I didn't trust the Lord. I have been told that over and over since losing Loughlin, trust the Lord. I never framed myself as a Charlie Brown, but Lucy is putting that football down again and asking me to kick it. How many of you would put it all on the line and try to drive the football through the uprights again? Once bitten, twice shy, well how about twice bitten. I have no control over what the Lord does, and I have to wonder how he really has control over my life. If he does WHY?

Blogs & Helpful Hogs

Well I know it has been almost forever since I have been on here. I have so many people in my life always putting in their two cents telling me what I should and shouldn't do, worried about what I write on this blog, worried mostly about themselves or what they represent. But today I am taking my life and blog back. I am stronger than they think I am. Why they think they can make decisions for me, boggles my mind. No one has lived this life of mine. No one knows what it feels to be responsible for the deaths of your children, not once but twice. No one that is telling me what to do has any idea what losing two children is like. NO ONE and I am tired of taking advice from un-knowledgeable, un-helpful fools. This blog is my way of working through my feelings. So if you don't like it, don't read it and please keep your so called caring advice in your craw cuz I aint listening anymore!!