Realm of Reality

I have a great desire to escape this realm of reality. I have tried so hard to fit in but there is no fitting in. There is no pleasing. There is no way that I can make you see that, that was not me. That was an impostor feeling the cavities of my existence. Now I am back but the shell that the alien left for me to occupy isn't desirable. She made a mockery of my love, my life and there is no possibility of getting it back, of getting back to how it was, even though it was far from perfect. This impostor stole my identity. I know it is difficult to grasp the gravity of this thought process, but look at me screaming for some sort of peace, and just as I have it in my grip, it is flung into the emptiness that has become my soul. A withered heart is just that dead. I thought there was hope with nourishing and love that it might return to it's once broken state but the hope is diminished with each passing hour. I will stay. I will be my children's mom. I will put on that face, the one that is farther from the truth and I will perform my earthly duty. They need more but I am incapable of providing that for them. I am trying to love but the pain is excruciating. Walls are so much easier, safe.