She raised her hand to her mouth as she walked toward me, as to indicate I should smile. Smile. My back has not been kind to me at all this week. I have been spending my days going through boxes in my office that have been piling up for almost 2 years now, pictures, report cards, crafts, cards all that seem like a treasure chest on one hand and a pirate's sword stabbing my heart on the other. I need to catch up on my paper work, taxes, worker's comp...uuugggghhhh. Everything is in there, hospital bills, birth certificates and death, thank you cards that were never finished, pictures of happier times, my smiling boy, always smiling, so artistic, so much love for his family. I am struggling through each box, everything is mixed up, like my life has been for a while now. Tonight though I am also struggling through a panic attack, all while trying to make it through the school carnival, at times not feeling my legs, my head spinning, my eyes filled with tears. Today is a Monday, two days before that day, but Monday, the day it all happened. the day I lost my normalcy. The day I lost my mind, my 6/7ths of this heart. The day I lost my safety net around my family, Monday October 27, 2008 feels like yesterday but feels like an eternity since I held my son. The bad news seems to move in like the fog, my friends, more trials, cancer, haven't they been through enough? When will their soul be stretched to where He wants it? So if you want a smile, find me another day...I am trying but losing the battle tonight. Tomorrow is another day.
1 comment:
Hugs, thinking of you.
Post a Comment