A reprieve

I hear stories of Alzheimer's patience who come back for a while. People who get 2-3 weeks of clearness, but then fall back into the unknown. I am afraid this is me. This is me because I lost my meds and because of the rough weeks I had before I asked for early refills. Now I am considered an addict. Me who only asked for 15 Valiums for the month because I didn't want to become addicted, but because of some crazy ass man in blue called me a killer, said I killed my son, I lost my mind for a while. Now my reprieve is gone and the depression is back. My husband treated like a queen for 3 weeks because he had his wife back, but now he will hate to be in the same room as me again. I am a downer. I am sad. I am suicidal. I hate my life.

I lost my Meds

I am having a rough day. I can't find my diazepam anywhere and I need it. I am panicked. I am having my 1st panic attack since changing meds. I need some help. I hope this is just a lil set back. 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Pray for me tonight.

The Creeping Darkness

There are so many things that have changed for me in the last two weeks. The biggest of which is I am happier. I actually am cleaning up my house, but that is going to take a while. I am so out of shape. Wallowing in self pity can certainly take it out of someone when it takes 10 years to snap out of it. I am tired though. I can feel the darkness creeping in and I hate it.

Volleyball season has ended for Lea, but she started pitching lessons last night. She will be starting pretty much from scratch. She wants to learn new and faster pitches so she is going to have to change almost all of her pitching technique. It is going to be a long process, but if anyone can do it, it is her.

Maya has decided to come back to TVCC for the Winter term. She is after all a mommy's girl. It will save her so much money and I really love her around.

Cyrus got all his paper work in and should be starting to substitute teaching soon. Maybe then he will know that is what he wants to do before starting the Masters program.

True and Katlyn spent 10 days on a elk hunt and saw nothing, so they froze their ass off for nothing. I am sure True still found fun in it.

Giles needs to improve his grades. He only cares about fast cars and cute girls. I hope he starts pitching soon.

Harlen has the corn and cow work left for this year. He is exhausted and we are talking about phasing us out of the farm. None of our kids want to take it over. He is too tired to do it all.

Please God keep these meds working. I love the new , old me.