I can measure my depression by the time I spend in the shower. I hate the shower, the closed curtain, the steam, the difficulty breathing, the silence. I hate it. Last week I only took 1 shower in the 7 days. I know that is so disgusting, but I really didn't care. I changed clothes, underwear, used deodorant, straightened hair, used ponytails, hats. The shower is too much though.
I stay away from wherever I can. If I have to go I am sitting by myself, talking to as few as I can.
I don't know what brought it on, if anything. The first day of school, the start of September, Fall like weather, harvest, Cyrus moving out for school, the upcoming 23rd birthday for Loughlin, True moving out soon, any of these could be the culprit, but to be honest I am just tired. It seems I still suck at handling everyday mishaps. I get pulled over by an undercover, unmarked car in the middle of the country for using my phone. I had just picked up True's pickup that had run out of gas and was calling him to tell him his hunting stuff was safe. 500 yards later I am being pulled over. You know how much I love the lights and the sirens. They make my whole day run so smoothly. Then there are bills and an unfinished house that is pulling me down, not to mention my dirty house that I have been trying my best to get clean, but I don't have any energy, or desire. I only feel disappointment in not getting anything accomplished and a husband who sees only my inadequacies. If you add all of these together you might add up to depression + anxiety but actually it is just my life.
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