Yesterday was ward conference for us and our Stake Presidency asked to meet with Harlen and I. They said they were concerned with our family but I felt as though they were more concerned with the way we were handling this because the community was looking on. They made me feel like I should be over the grief, the pain, the guilt and the heartache, which I am not over any of it. I have days when things are better but other days when I feel I cannot even breath on my own. Do they have a handbook on how to deal with grieving parents? Not any of the three have felt this kind of loss in their lives and I probably should not expect them to know how I am feeling but it made me feel even worse than I already did. I am grateful for the few friends who are walking this storm with us; who do not pass judgement but only give love and understanding.
I do not feel as lost today as I have felt in the last few days. I am to the hope stage again in my faith. I hope that I will see my son again. I cannot wait for the day that I may tell him once again how much I love him and how very proud I was of him.
2 comments:
Kenda,
My heart has been hurting so much for you. I think about you all the time and pray for you everyday. In my opinion, if you are still breathing right now you are handling this grief perfectly. I hope you can find support from those who have traveled this road before. It is ridiculous for any of the rest of us to analyze your grieving. A good friend of mind lost her 2 year old in a drowning accident. She said the whole first year was torture because she had to face: the first birthday, first christmas, first easter without her son. I hope that time can lessen your sorrow although I know you will miss Laughlin forever. You're are a strong person and fabulous mother. I know you'll make it. Keep fighting. I love you, Holly
Holly's right.
Post a Comment