Better Days ahead

I have not posted for a few days and have felt that I had more important things to accomplish while at home, which we are still very seldom home. In the time since I last posted I have had some trying but yet spiritual moments. On Friday Harlen and I decided it was time to pick out a headstone. I think that the thought of doing this was much harder than the actual act. I thought I would be confused and not do a fair job to Loughlin on this tough decision. I prayed that morning for some clarity and some holding up of my Husband and I during this process. We are not completely done with the headstone but I know exactly what I want to do to memorialize my son's life.
We were away from our children for most the day which I have a hard time enjoying a single minute away from them. We met our good friends Norm and Julie at dinner and Julie invited us to the temple the following morning for some special work for members of the Garner family. I debated on whether to go because to go meant another day spent away from my kids and just knowing how hard Sunday is, the temple would be even more tender. In the morning Harlen and I both had strong feelings we should attend. Leaving the kids with a very loved and trusted family, our Bishop Peterson's family, we headed off for a day that was emotionally overwhelming but worth the spiritual lift that was needed in my life. The blessings promised in the session have stuck with me for these last few days and sustained me. That little bit of doubt still creeps into my mind but I try to squash it quickly because I do not like where it leads me. Thank you Bennett family for inviting us and for the love you show us every day.
Sunday was a little easier this week and I stayed for all three of my meetings. I was released from my primary job in which I felt isolated in and felt I could not give the children what they needed. The Sacrament was hard but I know it is something that will be hard for a long time because I want to see Loughlin passing it or helping Brandon to pass it. Harlen, True and Cyrus, all three bore their testimonies; all three were beautiful. Cyrus walked to the pulpit on his own and him walking was a testament in itself.
This morning school was suppose to begin but we were up last night with True who was in a lot of pain, from what we do not know and so we are late moving and my vote would be to just keep them with us for another day. I can't breath when they are away from me. Still this morning, it feels as though someone has socked me in the belly. I cannot catch my breath and the sorrow is strong but I know my Savior is with me and that he loves me and with his help I can move this mountain. I love you, Loughlin. I did not tell you nearly enough when you were here. I remember your beautiful smile and your intoxicating laugh. I wish I could hear it again but for now I will find some joy in your memory.
2008 could have been great but I was lost most of the time before the death of Loughlin in trivial matters that did not matter and then lost in sorrow after his death. I hope the new year brings peace to our lives and a renewed effort on our family's part to do what matters, well, to serve the ones around us and to make sure our loved ones know how we feel; tell them we love them as much as we can.