The pressure on my chest is back. There isn't any oxygen anywhere I go today. I am trying to keep the darkness out but it keeps wanting to creep in to my soul.
Harlen took us to the Chinese Buffet tonight for dinner. I could hardly walk in the building. The air felt so thick that my feet did not want to move through the door. Loughlin loved to go there. The sorrow was overwhelming at times and the tears came more than once. In the end my fortune cookie read, "Time heals all wounds, keep your chin up". Coincidence?
7, is all that is left. I have never liked that number but it is prime, divisible of just itself and one. Does that make us safer? I think I am looking for anything to build back that safety barrier over our family. I feel I have no control of my life, that God will do what he wants no matter how I act or what I do. How can 7 seem so alone? I could not think at school at all today. I sat and looked at my test paper, blankness filled my mind, my head ached, my heart hurt and I wanted so bad just to call it a day. I will be glad for the pillow tonight.
Cyrus' day was just as bad as mine. I am thinking just home schooling for the rest of the year is the best choice. The teachers and counselors in his school will not keep their mouths closed. They seem to not know how to keep their feet out of their bocas. I can not keep repairing damage to a fractured heart, a tormented soul. He is only 13. How can he be expected to endure this? I almost wonder if they know what they are doing. They seem to rally around the other teachers when someone makes a complaint about one of their own, as I did with the new counselor(I use that word very loosely) I guess they do not care who is hurt in the process. He will be staying home with me tomorrow. They have won this one but we will be back to battle another day with new recruits and enforcements and a couple of days rest.
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