Cyrus

Today I thought I would write about Cyrus, my second oldest son, who has now had to take the role as oldest. He is a great kid. He is very strong in his beliefs and very vocal about wanting you to know them from the Gospel to football all the way to politics. He would give Glenn Beck a run for his money. In the accident Cyrus broke both his legs. Both legs were pinned and plated. He was in a wheel chair for about 2 months. One day he decided he had had enough and started walking. He is so strong and when he passed the Sacrament for the first time 2 weeks ago it made me cry. He is tougher than he knows.

Cyrus is struggling. Loughlin and Cyrus were best friends. They were just a year a part in school and always did things together. Each night before going to sleep they would talk to each other about their lives, their feelings, their dreams, their fears. From the time that Cy was born, I dressed them the same and always had them together. He has never known life without him until now.

He is having a hard time dealing with Loughlin's passing. Being in Jr. High exasperates the situation. I'm sure we all remember what it is like to have everyone staring at you when small things happen but this is far from small. Cy doesn't want to go to school. He is very far behind and struggles staying on task since Loughlin's death. He use to be a straight "A" student. He doesn't like being with friends anymore. He says they have nothing in common and he is not interested in what they are doing. He is 13 going on 25 with this knowledge and experience. I wish I could give him back his childhood but I am afraid it is gone forever.

Today at school in a nonsense class they make them take a horrendous thing happened. The class is college prep and the teacher, who is also the school counselor, talked about a subject that should be off limits in a normal situation but with a boy who had just lost his brother two months earlier it was completely insane. She brought up a time in college when she took a class on dealing with grief. The class took her to a mortuary and an embalming room. She went on to explain to the kids just what happens in that process, the draining of the blood in graphic detail etc. When I picked Cy up from school he was to the point of physical sickness. He was beyond upset. I wonder what school she went to to get a degree in school counseling. I should ask just to make sure I don't attend or send my children there. I am trying to be nice about it. I am trying to walk in her shoes but it is difficult to forgive when someone hurts your child like this. I am sure she did not intentionally mean to upset him but isn't knowing your audience the first thing that is taught. I am aware of who is around me every time I open my mouth. I am always very careful about what I say so I don't hurt someones feelings and I don't even have any training except in life. How can you heal these wounds? How are we going to get him to go to school tomorrow? He really needs your prayers to see him through this. He misses Loughlin so much. He is so lonely and sad without him.

Dealing with this is hard but watching your children struggle through it crushes your heart. I wish I could take their pain away. I love them so very much. I have a hard time understanding why when families are central to Heavenly Father's plan he would put our family through this. I have seen many destroyed by less. I pray we can stay strong together as a family and strong in the gospel.