That's not me anymore

That’s not me anymore

I used to wake each day looking forward to a new endeavor.

I used to crack a joke. I was quick. I was clever.

That’s not me anymore.

I used to enjoy a huge crowd, eyes on me as I took the stage.

I read every book I could find and hung on every page.

That’s not me anymore.

I loved to cook all kinds of cuisine.

My house was never perfect, but it was clean.

But that’s not me anymore.

I loved the farm, the bulls, the cows and the lil calves.

Always content, never worried about the didn’t haves.

I’ll never be like that anymore.

I loved to watch my kids in everything they did.

Every song, every hit, every set, even when they slid.

It’s just not me anymore.

I loved my husband with every ounce of my soul.

We went everywhere together. Eternity was my goal.

That’s just not me anymore.

I can’t say I was always smiling, but the joy shined through.

Days I was down there was only just a few.

But I’m not like that anymore.

Back then I believed there was a God that cared about my life.

I believed in forever families and wanted to be a forever wife.

But I don’t believe like that anymore.

I spend days now wondering why I am even here.

All my mistakes and flaws are showing crystal clear.

Cuz that’s not my life anymore.

Getting out of bed each day shouldn’t be a struggle.

And at night I want to be alone. Never want to cuddle.

Happiness eludes me. I don’t feel it anymore.

I worry every moment, every day, every minute.

If this is it. I quit. I don’t want to be in it.

I don’t want to live anymore.

Just leave my kids alone. Cyrus being persecuted at BSU for his Christian beliefs.

"They want you to sit not stand.
For what you believe in. Clench your hand.
To show your passion. Your face is red.
But it has been that way from birth until your dead.
See no evil. Hear no evil, don't speak it either.
Toe the line, don't use your mind. Be a believer.
There is a war a brewing. 
Stop what you are doing. 
Pay attention to the cause.
The bloodied should make you pause.
A revolution in your own mind. 
Don't leave the One on the cross behind.
He is the only hope. 
Without it is just a rope.
Peace is found in the Creator.
Love in the heart there is nothing greater."
Me

Please pray for Cyrus as he is just 8 days from graduating as an exemplary student. The administration at Boise State is treating Cyrus like a criminal. They said his speech of Christ was threatening. My God where has this world gone? Hell would be the correct answer.

On the upside I have found my faith again. When you have no where else to go God is the answer. I prayed that someone would step up to help Cyrus and the next morning the American Center For Law and Justice agreed to represent Cyrus. Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.