A Full Life

I'm am writing from the confines of the 3rd floor at St. Luke's hospital. Harlen spiked a fever on Thursday and this is where we ended up. He went for his fourth intravenous chemotherapy and had a fever of a 102.9. They sent us to the Emergency room then he was transported to Boise. It was really hard on him for 2 days. His hemoglobin was down to 6.7 when we arrived in Fruitland, after one transfusion it didn't budge at all. He had another transfusion tonight hopefully it works and he can get a little bit of energy to manage harvest. Tonight he is finally resting and feeling better. Leukemia really sucks. He is so strong. I love him more than ever.

In the meantime, Lea won Sophomore Homecoming Princess. Thank God the coronation and Parade was on Wednesday this year. We were lucky enough to enjoy with her celebrating her crowning. She was so cute.  Here are two videos and a very cute photo. Tonight Cyrus filled in for Harlen to walk Lea out on the football field. It was so sweet. Susan Schulthies and Teniele helped us facetime the event so we could watch it from the hospital room. I can't wait for the video.

https://www.facebook.com/harlenkendalee.garner/videos/2737556759590802/?t=6



https://www.facebook.com/harlenkendalee.garner/videos/2738101159536362/?t=2

Thursday was also Loughlin's 26th birthday. We haven't been able to celebrate yet, but hopefully soon. Life seems to have a way of getting in the front of traditions sometimes. Happy Birthday Loughlin. We love you so much and miss you everyday. Life will never be the same without you.

Today I just need an ear to listen.....I am not looking for you to fix me. Happy birthday Giles!

It's Giles's 17th birthday today. Another milestone in this family, and I can choose whether this milestone pulls me further into the abyss or I can celebrate that we all made it this far. I love this kid. He is amazing. He gets treated horribly by authority figures because of his hair and his inability to cow tow to the bullshit that attacks him. He is so strong, yet he loves to be told how proud you are of him. He treats with respect those who deserve it, but certainly is smart enough to ascertain those who don't. He is hilarious and plays the worst music in the world, but he loves it, and I love it when he smiles. He has experienced 2 more years than Loughlin did. 17 more years than Rhiannon did. There is the stone that sinks me further. I think I will just float on my back and rest a while. The deep can wait.

A Reprieve from the endless negative thoughts

I have a very exciting update. After quitting Lithium I had a very bad 6 weeks. I was down. I was lower than I have ever been in my life. It was the time of year + the Nyssa cop accusing me of killing my son + no medicine = tornado. I was in hell. I thought of every way possible I could end my life, but it never ever rose to the level of killing myself. There is a wide line between not wanting to live and being dead. I never wanted to be dead.

Harlen finally talked me into seeing the doctor again. 2 weeks ago I went to my general. He put me on Depacoat with a tiny dose of zyprexa at night, along still with my prozac and valium when needed. I am a walking medicine cabinet, but the change is unbelievable. I am mostly me again. I am smiling, laughing, enjoying life.

 Homecoming for Giles was last week. I was so down I didn't even go take pictures. That seemed to be the straw.........











 even took the girls to see Donald J. Trump last Saturday. It was so much fun. He came to Elko, NV and I knew that was the closest he would come.

 

  





We also finished the onion harvest. What a relief. The rain was scaring us but we are done and grateful. Harlen even got me out there for 2 days. I am sore and my fingers are killing me from picking clods, but it felt good. But I am too old for that kind of labor. ugh

 

  Lea's last volleyball game was so much fun. They played so well. Way to end a terrific season, my lil Freshman Varsity Setter . You are beyond impressive! We love you ........

Fun times again. Planning a trip to the coast just before Christmas. I cannot wait to get a vacation in this year. Bella Beach, 2 houses, Lots of family, Lots of fun. Nothing like a Winter storm in December watching from a outside hot tub. I am so excited.