Grief!

It is only 2:30 in the afternoon, I feel as if it is midnight. I am so tired all of the time. The grief is all encompassing today. Saturdays and Sundays are the worst because they were our family days. I miss him all of the time. Harlen and the kids played 'Ticket to Ride' this morning. It made me sad because Loughlin loved to play games and we were always to busy to take time to do it. Since the accident nothing seems as important as family. I wish only we could have come to that knowledge without losing our son. I wish I could have been a better mom. I wish I could have just one more hour to spend with him. I know life isn't fair but this seems really unfair. After losing Rhiannon, my first daughter to SIDS in 1988, I thought I would never have to go through that again. I knew some parents who had lost one child but none that had lost two. Let's say I felt immune and safe in this world we had created for our kids but in one fail swoop life was changed. Giles for the first 4 weeks after the accident prayed that we would drive safe. I felt sad each time he did. I felt responsible for ruining our safe world. I wish we could turn back the clock and start that morning all over again. I miss you Loughlin.