48 years old

I am 48. I feel twice my age. Not so much physically as mental, emotional. I feel like I have lived an entire life. I am so tired. Losing Cyrus, not to death, but to me. The hole in my soul just keeps getting larger. The cold air blows through it. The heart is frozen.

I think my family would be better without me. My body should be cremated and scattered across the ocean. I will forever be at peace with the sounds of the waves, the trees and rocks, the blue water surrounds me.

Maya is a senior. She is getting totally ripped off because her mom is fucking insane. I took her pictures last week but I can't even get the energy to edit them and send them off to the printers. I have bills and taxes to get done but my mind is worthless. My hubby wishes he was married to a better version of me. He wouldn't leave me, but he lets me know how disappointed he is in my abilities in this life, There are so many women who are amazing. I am a joke.