Long , productive week

Last fair together

Last week was our county fair. We show steers each year and it seems so drawn out and hard to get through since Lough left us. This year my older boys stepped up. They were incredible. They did everything they were asked without complaining once, well maybe once for a short second. They helped Maya and Giles. They taught them what they needed to do to show their animals. In fact so much so, Maya and Giles won reserve Grand Champion Junior and Novice showman respectively. Maya had hated showing steers until that moment and Cyrus was a huge part of this new found love. We sold the animals yesterday and the kids made good money for their college years. Cyrus is going to need it. He has decided on the  "U" and out of state tuition is atrocious for the first year until he has residency.



 I am exhausted. Everyone is exhausted. The problem is when I am exhausted I dream and remember those dreams. Early this morning I dreamed of Lough. I dreamed he had been kidnapped instead of killed. I dreamed we found him. He was younger but he was back. He was crying to be in my arms and I was holding him so tight, never wanting to let him go. All the happiness I had felt last week was diminished in a moment. Can I stay in bed all day and hope the dream comes back? Can I hope for just a few more moments of holding him, his smile, his laugh, his wanting to stay with his mom. He would have showed for the last time this year. His memory seemed to lurk in every corner of the fair. One of his good friends was there with steers this year. When I saw him it made me long for Loughlin. I know in my heart he would have grown to be a great man. He always was a great young man. Oh how I miss him this morning, every morning.