Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Skip ahead to Landslide on the Playlist at the top of the page.

"I took my love, I took it down

Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too"

Fleetwood Mac Landslide

I was walking in a retail store yesterday looking for a black dress for Lea and Maya for an upcoming occasion. When I passed the children section I became dark. At first I thought I am so glad that I am passed this time in my life, but then I got a bit uglier. I don't even want grandkids. I don't want to worry anymore. I don't want the chance of a loss again. It is better not to ever love than to love and lost. 

I am not handling the seasons of my life. I think I have reverted to the anger stage once again in this ongoing grief. Cyrus is getting married in 90 days. WOW! Maybe this "changin' ocean tide" is taking me under. Not that I am not ecstatic for him, I am. I am happy for him. He is happier than I have seen him in 9 years. She does that for him. 

It just sucks Loughlin won't be here to watch his lil brother tie the knot, or better yet tie the knot himself.