Random thought #2,162

Life seems a little deranged as of late ok a lot. It seems that it will never be normal again, but what again is normal. I am tired and fighting migraines. If the shots didn't cost $80 a piece I would get one everyday.

We finished the catalog for the bull sale. It is a big job on an ordinary year, but this year is anything but normal. Here is a sample of Harlen and I


https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tjIsJE5mzJf5Cv5c0cIY7Oe7OFlweTvI/view?usp=drivesdk

I have lost my best friend, which I know is strange in itself, but I miss him. I miss his laugh. I miss his deep conversation about literature, music and movies. I just miss him. It seems so cruel to let him have so much success then rip it from his hands. It doesn't matter what anyone says it will never ne the same. He hates me. He won't talk to me. After losing two children to death, you finally feel as a parent he is 22, married, graduating with great grades, getting a job within 2 weeks of graduating and then poof like an evil spell it was all gone. This is like losing another child.

Our pipe broke between the shower and my closet wall and flooded the basement again. We haven't had water for 5 days. I survived 2 floods in one year. Noah doesn't have anything on us.

Our little puppy got Parvo and was at the vet for 4 days but he is going to make it. I love my dogs so much. They are my solace when I am home alone.

Harlen's sister made a half hearted attempt to commit suicide on Tuesday night. She took Cymbalta of all things.Taking too many antidepressants doesn't make you less depressed. I could name 15 better medications than that if you really wanted to get the job done. I know I sound callous but that is how it goes when your son is dying in front of your eyes.

Harlen came running in the house yesterday needing help getting heifers in. I was still in my night shirt. he said just come. i put my coat on, my boots and headed out. Little did I know our hired man and his son was outside. The sun was peeking through the clouds like a voyeur laughing at the misery I call my life . My legs are showing they haven't been shaven for months. My hair is a mess, but I am wearing my sock monkey beanie Maya gave me for Christmas.

Harlen keeps telling me other people have lives like ours, yah no!