Are you sitting on Loughlin's grave?

We finally buried Harlen's mom yesterday. The weather did not permit for the burial earlier. When we arrived at the cemetery I walked towards the grave which was one over from Loughlin's. Harlen's dad was in between. I looked at Loughlin's headstone and the metal pheasant that sat on the edge was on the ground, the tail feathers broke off. I picked it up and fixed it, put it back where it belongs. The chairs were almost touching the headstone. It made me sick. Harlen's siblings went over and sat in the chairs, more sick. Harlen dedicated the grave, even more sick. All I can think is get off my son. Why would they think this is ok?  It isn't . I am angry about it. Get off my son. Even today I am still angry.

I am sure there is so much more to my anger, than the chairs and the broken pheasant. I feel like I have for 25 years, not the most important women in my husbands life. His mom never liked me. She never thought I was good enough for her son, and now as we bury her everyone tramples my son. I hope I am never like her. I hope that I can always remember that my children's happiness is more important than my petty judgement. The anger isn't going away anytime soon.

"Life is a Struggle"

So many kinds of floods

Yesterday a pipe broke in our basement and we ended up with about 8 inches of water throughout. Water in a basement engulfs everything, every corner, every crevice. If there are dead little creatures lurking behind the water heater or in a bag you haven't opened in 8 years the emerge. It is very revealing.
This flood showed me so many things. It showed me that I haven't been in the basement physically, mentally, but most of all emotionally. A Brachiosaurus was floating in the middle of Giles's room. Who knows where he came from. He once was Loughlin's, then Cyrus's, then True's. Where has he been? Where has all these left over clothes been? 8 years, My God, Where have I been? Where has my life been? Where has Loughlin been? Where are my kids? Where did they go, not physically, but where did my other 5 kids go?

Maya came home from school so upset. The baseball coach is not going to let her take stats this year. I learned she is a girl, and a boy would be better. WTF I guess everything I taught her about having the same rights her whole life was bullshit. I am pissed. Can you tell? She has very few things in her life she loves, baseball is one of them. She can't play it anymore because of her TBI, but at least she could be a part of this team. Did I say I am pissed? Give her a break. She deserves it, for once.

Now the floodgates are open. The tears are falling once again. I am so exhausted. Surgery to the Sale to the Funeral to the Delivering Bulls to a Flooded Basement.

Is this a normal life? I don't remember having chose this life. The sadness is here again. Relief is what I want.

The three of us set off on a long Winter's trip.......

On Friday morning we were supposed to leave for a 3 day trip to California to deliver bulls. The trailer was late by 2 hours and then we got a flat on the pickup tire right before we headed down the road, so off to Les Schwab for another 45 minutes to put new tires on all four wheels.

Weed, CA so inspirational and safe.

Our 1st stop was going to be Roseburg, Oregon. We were supposed to have arrived at 3pm. We arrived at 8pm. We encountered snow and rain. The roads were winding, not like the Beatles song.  We were exhausted, pulling a 30 ft trailer, much longer than our usual 24 ft. We met with the buyer and dropped the bulls off and then we ventured on. At 1am we were in Weed, CA. Lea was intrigued. She thought all the signs were for marijuana and couldn't believe there was actually a town with such a name. We made it to Shasta Livestock in Anderson California and dropped the remaining 10 bulls off so they could rest for the night and get some food and water. We went off to find a hotel, and that we did. The first sight was a roach on top of the toilet. I am careful about my hotels. This was a Best Western. we should have been safe. I was so tired I really didn't care. Lea and I shared a bed and Harlen in the other. I dreamed of roaches on my feet all night long. I got up as exhausted as I went to bed.

Storing Ranch

75 years of quality bulls

Red Bluff so beautiful

The tower

We loaded up the bulls and headed off to the next destination, but first our second flat tire. 1hr later we would leave Red Bluff, California for Fortuna. California through a worse winding road. The roads were covered in snow at times and the rain would not stop during the rest.

Can't seem to escape the snow

Redwoods

When we arrived in Fortuna we were in a hurry to get down the road but Harlen insisted to my glee to show Lea Ferndale, California. I love this town. It ranks in my top 10 towns in the nation. After Ferndale we tried to get as far as we could and ended up at a much better hotel in Ukiah, California.

Save you from hell

Downtown Ferndale. <3 td="">

The car and the house fit so well

Ferndale's best, The Gingerbread house

SF Bay

San Raphael Bridge

Day 3, on our way to Galt, California. The trip was uneventful except for the fact the GPS took us way out of the way and made the trip longer. We ended up at the buyer's home where he showed us his incredible car collection after taking us to a wonderful Italian restaurant with ambiance to spare.
The car collection was spectacular and certainly worth the wait.

Corvette of my dreams

The Bentley, my favorite

My Harley

We headed home late and they had closed Donner pass for the day, but we got through going 15mph with c hains on our pickup and trailer. We only made it as far as Fernley before we were ready for some more rest. No roaches but creepy people were here.

The next morning we finally headed for home. Not a lot of pictures of Nevada. What is there to show? :)

Beautiful Winnemucca Nevada flooded

We got home to a broken pipe in the basement because there is never a dull moment in our household.