I have to say I use to enjoy Conference. It was a weekend that my family was together. We sat down to at least 2 of the sessions. We ate good. We laughed. We just enjoyed each others company. Now it seems as though Conference is an infomercial. The church trying to make you believe that if you are in this church, you are happy, that good things happen. We are to believe that people in the church care about the lost sheep. I know you are questioning the blasphemy of it all but just listen to my argument. Quite a few of the talks are about miracles. Everyone loves a miracle. Yet story after story of miracles does a mind and soul damage when your miracle didn't happen. When you hear example after example of children being healed or rescued, you have to wonder why God, if there is a God, overlooked you. He let my child die not once but twice. Look around. Are there really that many miracles? And yet I missed the talks of parents struggling to stay a float when their miracles never came true. When they lived through watching their child die in front of them. When they had to endure the sight of their children's cold lifeless bodies laying next to them. Do they understand it feels as though they have been forgotten by their Lord?, That everyday in this church is not a joyous day, That there are days on this Earth when Hell is closer than Heaven. I don't want to hear of miracles, miracles are for the weak, miracles are a forfeit in the 1st half of this game we call life, a gimme call by the ref. It isn't real. Real is living through this Hell. The people that have received their miracles don't need yet another pat on their backs, another story told of their miracle. It isn't fair to raise a false hope in the minds of the moms and dads out there waiting for a miracle. Be honest, don't let them think it is their fault that they weren't chosen, that they were not righteous enough to receive such blessings. It is a cruel game in which there are no winners.
Even Joseph Smith grew weary of this life. "Oh! I am so tired--so tired that I often feel to long for my day of rest. For what has there been in this life but tribulation for me? From a boy I have been persecuted by my enemies, and now even my friends are beginning to join with them to hate and persecute me! Why should I not wish for my time of rest?"
1 comment:
I haven't heard any of the Saturday talks, but I did listen to Sunday's. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about that family losing their 3 children. Then they continued to fall as I heard all three survived. It's amazing. Am I jealous? Yup. So many of us don't get the miracles we seek.
I was on the BYU.tv channel in the afternoon and saw a small portion of Emma Smith: My Story. I'd like to see the whole show. At one point she said, "Strength isn't something you have, it's something you find. And usually that is one day at a time."
Each day I remind myself to smile. The thought has crossed my mind on several occasions how pathetic that is. As such, I won't tell you how long I've been doing this. Ha ha. None of us have joy and happiness us all the time. Our happiness is only as great as our sorrows are deep.
Hugs to you Kenda.
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